www.drsohail.com
Email: welcome@drsohail.com
CONTENTS
1. STORY OF AN ATHEIST FRIEND AND HIS MUSLIM WIFE
2. FOUR GROUPS OF PEOPLE
3. NATURAL SELF AND CONDITIONED SELF
4. FROM RELIGIOUS IDEOLOGY TO HUMANIST PHILOSOPHY
5. PEOPLE WITH A FUNDAMENTALIST PERSONALITY
6. LIVING WITH A RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALIST
7. HELPING PEOPLE COPE WITH A RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALIST
8. ATHEIST IDEOLOGY AND FUNDAMENTALIST PERSONALITY
9. SOCIAL DYNAMICS OF A FUNDAMENTALIST PERSONALITY
10. POLITICAL AND RELIGIOUS LEADERS WITH FUNDAMENTALIST
PERSONALITIES
11. BECOMING A HUMANIST...INTELLECTUAL AND EMOTIONAL
TRANSFORMATION
12. CHARACTERISTICS OF A HUMANIST PERSONALITY
13. SECULAR HUMANISTS
14. RELIGIOUS HUMANISTS
15. CAN SECULAR HUMANISTS AND RELIGIOUS HUMANISTS WORK
TOGETHER?
16. CONCLUDING COMMENTS
INTRODUCTION
Dear Humanist Friends,
I feel very honored that the Humanist Association not only chose me to receive the Humanist of the Year 2006 award but also invited me to present my views on the Psychology of Fundamentalist and Humanist Personalities. What I am going to share with you today is based on my personal experiences on my journey from Islam to Secular Humanism, my social experiences with religious and humanist friends and my professional experiences as a Humanist Psychotherapist. All of those encounters have helped me develop my views about the Humanist Philosophy, Personality and Lifestyle, and have enabled me to help many individuals, couples and families who struggle with living with someone with a Fundamentalist Personality. Such help can decrease their emotional suffering and increase their health and happiness so that they can lead a peaceful life.
Some of you know that alongside being a humanist and a psychotherapist I am also a storyteller, as I believe that stories give us insights into the human condition and make us think. So I am going to share a story with you to introduce the subject I want to focus on today.
A few years ago, one of my dear Atheist friends who lives in America, met a charming young Muslim woman. They started dating, fell in love and eventually decided to get married. The relationship seemed wonderful. They were both affectionate and respectful of each other’s philosophy and lifestyle. One evening I called them and invited them to visit me in Canada for a long weekend. They accepted my invitation. When I met my friend’s wife she was very kind and courteous. Within no time we felt connected. The next day I was surprised to find out that she ate only halal (religiously slaughtered)meat. To respect her wishes I took them to a Pakistani Muslim restaurant in downtown Toronto for a meal. As she felt comfortable with me, she shared with me that she was pregnant. When I congratulated her she said,
“I hope it is a girl.”
“Why do you say that? You are the first Asian woman I have met who wants her first child to be a girl.”
“So that we do not have any conflicts.”
“What kind of conflicts?”
“Your friend is an Atheist. He does not believe in circumcision. I am a practising Muslim. I would like my son to be circumcised.”
“I am sure you will figure those things out. Whatever you have, I hope the baby is healthy,” I replied, as a caring friend. I did not want to become a psychotherapist and get involved in their marital problems.
A few months later I found out that they had had a son. She asked me to convince her husband to have their son circumcised. I sent him a twenty-page article highlighting the health benefits of circumcision. In return he sent me an article discussing the human rights of children, stating that circumcision was “genital mutilation”. I wanted to discuss the differences between male and female circumcision, but I realized that he had such strong and rigid views that I could not have a dialogue with him. So I ended my discussion. His wife was quite disappointed that he did not even listen to me, whom he professed to be his very close friend. At that time I realized that their relationship could face a crisis.
Shortly thereafter, her family came for a visit. They were shocked to find out that their nephew had not been circumcised.
“Why is he not circumcised?” they asked.
“His father does not want it,” she responded.
‘‘Why not?”
“He is not a Muslim. He is an Atheist.”
“That is terrible. You are well aware that a Muslim woman cannot marry an Atheist. Your nikah (religious marriage) is annulled. You are living in sin.”
“But I love him. He is the father of my son.”
“That does not matter. Allah is more important in a Muslim’s life than her husband.”
When my friend heard those comments, he asked them to leave as they were creating problems in his marriage.
When I heard the details I realized that my Atheist friend and his Religious in-laws had serious family conflicts that they could not resolve. That story made me think about the role of people’s personality in their day-to-day family and social lives.
There was a time when my Atheist friend had been a Muslim but then he said goodbye to God and Religion. The more I thought about my friend’s ideological and emotional transformation, the more I realized that over the years I have met many people who at one stage of their life had a Religious Ideology and a Fundamentalist Personality and then gradually transformed and developed a Humanist Philosophy and Personality. Some changed on their own through reading books and introspection while others needed the help of psychotherapy. It was a long and painful journey for them, but at the end it was worth it.
I have also met many people with a Fundamentalist Personality who faced interpersonal conflicts in their marital, family and social lives and had a hard time living in peace and harmony with other people. Now I have come to the conclusion that people with a Fundamentalist Personality can easily get into angry, resentful and bitter debates ending in interpersonal conflicts, while people with a Humanist Personality find it easier to set common goals and resolve their conflicts.
In the last couple of decades most of the books and essays I have read about World Religions and Humanism focus mainly on ideology and philosophy. I am of the opinion that the emotional, social and political problems we witness in our homes and communities exist not only because of differences in ideology but also because of the conflicts between personalities. When people are angry and want to hurt each other, they can use their ideologies like some people use knives, guns, tanks and bombs. The war that starts with words can escalate to knives and guns in domestic disputes and tanks and bombs in national and international wars.
Ten years ago when I was writing my book From Islam to Secular Humanism…A Philosophical Journey I became aware that people’s belief systems may not be realistic reflections of their lifestyles, and I started exploring the relationship between people’s ideologies and attitudes, their philosophies and personalities. I realized that ideologies are like book covers and we all know that books should not be judged by their covers.
I am quite aware that each human being has a unique personality and lifestyle but to highlight the relationship between ideology and lifestyle, philosophy and personality and then identify interpersonal conflicts from a psychological point of view, we can divide people into four broad categories:
A…Religious Fundamentalists…People with a Religious Ideology and Fundamentalist Personality…
B…Atheist Fundamentalists…People with an Atheist Philosophy and Fundamentalist Personality
C…Secular Humanists…People with a Secular Humanist Philosophy and Humanist Personality
D…Religious Humanists…People with a Religious Ideology and Humanist Personality
It is unfortunate that people with a Fundamentalist Personality create angry, hostile and destructive conflicts and initiate and maintain cycles of violence. When people with a Fundamentalist Personality become leaders of political parties or religious institutions, their communities can also get caught up in their conflicts.
I am gradually coming to the painful realization that some atheists, agnostics and free thinkers also have a Fundamentalist Personality that creates a lot of tension in their inter-personal relationships and a cycle of violence in their families because of the anger generated by the conflicts.
I am of the opinion that two people with a Humanist Personality, whether as individuals or heads of families and communities, can live in peace even if they have differences in ideology and philosophy.
NATURAL SELF…CONDITIONED SELF
I have gradually discovered in my clinical practice that each human being is born with a natural self, unique to his/her temperament and personality. Depending upon the family, school and community, the child develops a conditioned self. Such a conditioned self is guided by many shoulds. It is not uncommon for that conditioning to distort or restrict some aspects of the natural self and the person feels trapped in that environment. The more autocratic and authoritarian the environment, the more vulnerable is the natural self to restrictions based on the conditioning of the social and cultural environment.
It is not uncommon for children brought up in a Religious Extremist family, school and community to develop a Religious Ideology and Fundamentalist Personality. If they are brought up in a Humanist family, school and community, then most likely they will develop a Humanist Philosophy and Personality.
When we focus on religious ideologies and life philosophies, we find people on a wide spectrum.
On one end of the spectrum are the orthodox Religious People. They believe in a Heavenly God and they also belong to a Church. For them, belief in a Creator is intimately connected with Institutions, be they churches, mosques, synagogues or temples. They believe that human beings need divine guidance to lead a holy life, and that such guidance has been provided by God in the form of scriptures revealed to Prophets over the centuries. For those orthodox Religious People, scriptures provide the guidelines for their individual, family, social and political lives. Such people are generally preoccupied with the past. They believe that the divine revelations in their scriptures are eternal and true and need not be revised. They believe in a rigid code of ethics and high moral standards based on their Heavenly Books.
Next to them are the Religiously Liberal People. They have the same belief structure as the orthodox Religious People except that they are flexible in their interpretation of the scriptures. They believe that as human conditions change, so should the morals and ethics of society.
Next to the Religiously Liberal People are those who consider themselves Spiritual People. These people believe in God but do not belong to a Religious Institution. They believe that people have to find their own path. Some of those Spiritual People believe in a Creator. They may not even name him God; they might refer to a Higher Power or a Great Mystery. But they believe that there is a Being in the universe that they can connect with, who can provide personal guidance, consolation or even inspiration. On the other hand, there are some Spiritual People who believe that God is inside all of us. They do not believe in any Being outside of Human Beings. There are also some Spiritual People who believe that All That Exists Is God, so they do not differentiate between an Inside and an Outside God. There are also some people who do not associate spirituality with God or Religion and believe that spirituality is part of humanity, not divinity.
Towards the other end of the spectrum are those who call themselves Agnostics or Skeptics or Rationalists. They believe neither in a Heavenly God nor in the Institution of Religion. Generally, they see life through the eyes of logic, rationality and objectivity, rather than blind faith. Some of them feel that to deny the existence of God is as irrational as to accept the existence. They believe only in those things that can be proven scientifically.
On the far end of the spectrum is the group who consider themselves Atheists. They feel strongly that there is no God and that mankind has no need of the Institution of Religion. Some of them even feel that the Institution of Religion, rather than a blessing, has been a curse for Humanity, and has played a significant role in causing Holy Wars throughout history. Some Atheists seem to focus more on what they do not believe in, rather than on what they do believe and become anti-religious.
In the world of life ideologies and philosophies, Humanists seem to have a special place on this spectrum. They hold Humanistic values close to their hearts. They believe that Human Beings are more important than Heavenly Gods and Religions. They encourage a scientific attitude towards life and become involved in activities to serve Humanity. They are of the opinion that Church and State should be kept separate. People’s faiths should guide them individually, while the State’s decisions should be based upon the recognition of Human Rights, by which all human beings, irrespective of their class, ethnicity, language, gender or religious affiliation should have equal rights and privileges. Some consider Humanism a philosophy rather than a Religion, or even an alternative to Religion.
People who grow up in religious families, schools and communities usually adopt a religious ideology and lifestyle and can develop a Fundamentalist Personality which has some or all of the following characteristics.
10. In extreme cases they become part of group violence and follow militant ideologues, and can join crusades, jihads or communist revolutions.
LIVING WITH A RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALIST
People who live with a spouse who has a Fundamentalist Personality know that it is not an easy thing to do. Spouses of such people find it very stressful in their day-to-day lives. Let me share another story from my life.
I vividly remember the evening when during a formal dinner at a psychiatric conference, the woman sitting next to me took out her leather- bound Bible from her red purse and started preaching to me about God, Jesus, Heaven and Hell. Her husband, sitting across the table, seemed embarrassed.
When the woman went to the washroom, her husband said in a sheepish way, “She has become very religious since our youngest son was diagnosed with mental retardation.” I had known that psychiatrist for a number of years and had great respect for him. I had also met his wife a few years previously, and at that time she had been a liberal and friendly Christian. My psychiatrist colleague shared that his wife had been under a lot of stress and her way to cope was to find refuge in religion. She had made him uncomfortable in many social situations but he felt he had no choice but to tolerate and endure it. He said if he had not had four children with her he might have divorced her. He did not want his wife to raise their children on her own.
This story highlights the difficulty of living with a person with a Fundamentalist Personality. I have met many husbands and wives who had a healthy and happy marriage for years until one spouse developed a Fundamentalist Personality because of reading certain books, following a cult leader or experiencing an emotional crisis. Such a transformation made it very painful for the other spouse to cope with marriage and family life.
In my clinical practice I have met many people who were so stressed living with a relative or spouse with a Fundamentalist Personality that they needed professional help. One such person was Debbie (names have been changed to respect confidentiality). She was a single mother when she met Tom. Both belonged to the same church and had a similar ideology. After dating for a few months they started living together. He started feeling guilty when they got sexually involved. To relieve his guilt she married him. But as time passed he fell under the influence of his friend who was a Religious Fundamentalist and he transformed right in front of her eyes. He became a “born-again Christian”. She wanted him to relax and enjoy his life, but he tried to control everything she did. She shared her feelings in these words.
“He started using the Lord FOR EVERYTHING. Cards were evil, board games were evil. Music was evil, television…that he called devilvision…was evil. He started judging how we dressed, who we talked to, how we talked, looked, acted. He judged everything and everyone.
As a result of all this my son Michael’s friends stopped coming. Michael started spending less time at home. My friends stopped calling and coming to visit. Tom made everyone extremely uncomfortable. I came home one day after work to a maniac. He verbally attacked me and started shouting. I was in shock. I felt as if I was having a bad dream. I started to shake as I realized I was not dreaming, as I had never seen Tom act like that. I stayed quiet to compose myself so that I could talk to him peacefully but he was out of control. He was shaking his finger at me as he lectured me.
From then on, I was treated like a third class citizen and Michael too. The last straw was the day when I came home and found my study Bibles gone. He threw them out because he believed they were “perverted”. In his eyes the only “true” Bible is the King James Version. To this day he scrutinizes everything I read and listen to, what I say and how I act.
When I told him I was going to consult Dr. Sohail to get some help he told me to tell him that he is going to hell because he is not a Christian.
I am becoming too upset now, I cannot write any more.
In most cases when I invite the spouses who are Religious Fundamentalists to get involved in therapy to resolve their marital and family problems, they turn my offer down. In some cases I have helped the frustrated spouse cope with the situation and in other cases helped them to dissolve the relationship and start a new life.
ATHEIST IDEOLOGY AND FUNDAMENTALIST PERSONALITY
While I was doing my interviews for this project, I was quite intrigued to discover that the Fundamentalist Personality was not restricted only to Religious People. I have encountered Atheists, Communists, Feminists and Environmentalists who did not have a Religious Ideology but still had a Fundamentalist Personality. They had transformed themselves intellectually but not emotionally. Some of them were quite angry people. Many of them spent a lot of their energy fighting against certain negatives rather than focusing on the positives. I was amazed to discover that some Atheists were more anti-religion than pro-humanism and that some Feminists were more anti-men than pro-women.
Such people get involved in very angry dialogues and bitter exchanges in their social and political lives. When I see two people who have different Ideologies but have Fundamentalist Personalities, I am struck with their similarities. Many Atheists, Communists, Feminists and Environmentalists have felt surprised, shocked and even offended when I shared with them that psychologically they were no different than their opponents. They had opposite philosophies but similar personalities, contradictory beliefs but similar behaviors.
While writing this presentation I remembered an incident from my childhood. My Dad once took me to meet his uncle, my grandfather, who was an Atheist. I still remember his big house with a long driveway in Pakistan. He was quite successful and had a respectable job with the government. After a cup of tea when he was discussing religion he started making fun of the concepts of God, scriptures and prophets. I was quite stunned. I had never heard of an Atheist making fun of holy subjects. I had least expected that from my grandfather as I used to believe that the older the people, the more religious they were. And then he saw my grandmother praying on the lawn. He said to my Dad, “Look at your aunt. She is a good Muslim, praying five times a day and fasting regularly. But she is miserable. These prayers and fasting do not give her peace of mind. What use is all that? She is miserable because her only son has settled in London and married a white woman. He is happy in England. I tell her that she should be happy as a mother if he is happy. But she is not. She misses him and then she prays and asks her God to bring him back to Pakistan. When I tell her that God might have better things to do in the universe rather than worrying about her son, she gets upset and tells me that I do not respect her feelings and make fun of her religion.”
That was the first time I witnessed such an exchange and I never forgot it. At that time I did not appreciate the dynamics. But now I realize that my grandfather, who was an Atheist, had a Fundamentalist Personality. I can imagine now what it would be like for my simple-minded grandmother, who loved and missed her son, to be married to this intellectual who had no empathy for her. People with a Fundamentalist Personality feel so self-righteous and want so much to change others that sometimes they lose human compassion and their relationships turn sour and unhappy. They are always ready to criticize and convert others, which creates a lot of tension in their families.
Paul Kurtz in his book Living Without Religion…Eupraxsophy comments on some of the characteristics in these words, “It is depressing to encounter humanists who are unpleasant people, individuals who stoutly reject religious faith and who are committed to improving the condition of humanity, yet who are personally disagreeable. This is not unique to humanists; non-humanists can be equally obnoxious. Such personalities have dispositions like dried up prunes, they are sour and unpleasant, even mean-spirited toward their fellow human beings. Thus paying heed to humanist character is vital.” (p 158)
A FUNDAMENTALIST PERSONALITY
I know that many people are offended if they are called Fundamentalists, as they are uncomfortable with the term. Atheist Fundamentalists are even more uncomfortable than Religious Fundamentalists, mainly because most of them are not even aware that they are Fundamentalists. They are like many racists or sexists who are not aware that they have prejudices against other races or women which are obvious to others by their verbal or non-verbal behaviours or writings.
Being a student of human psychology and a practising psychotherapist, I am aware that many people have aspects of themselves of which they are unaware, and they are shocked when other people confront them with their prejudiced attitudes. I feel that each behaviour has two sides, the intention of the person who delivers that behaviour and the perception of the person who receives that behaviour.
People who have a Religious Fundamentalist Personality usually see themselves as committed and dedicated people with a missionary spirit, and they want to spread their message. The problem is that they come across as self-righteous and offensive because they are always preaching and trying to convert others. They tend to deliver lengthy lectures and monologues, which makes it very difficult to have a genuine dialogue with them. When we analyze their social behaviour we find
….rigidity in their thinking
and
….aggressiveness in their behaviour.
Some are not aware of those characteristics while others try to rationalize them. After the death of Jerry Falwell I listened to interviews of his dedicated followers on CNN. They were rationalizing Falwell’s prejudice towards gays and lesbians by saying that he loved them and was warning them because he did not want them to burn in hell. Such reasoning is very disturbing to many people.
As compared to Religious Fundamentalists, when I confront Atheist Fundamentalists with their aggressive behaviour they state that they are anti-fundamentalists who are refusing to tolerate the behaviour of religious fundamentalists. They think they are just intolerant to intolerant behaviour. They do not realize that as the dialogue continues it turns into debate and finally into an angry and aggressive fight. If these people are the leaders of religious and political organizations, their disciples get into a debate that can easily turn into a war of words or even a holy war.
One of the fundamental issues in a Fundamentalist Personality is that such people believe that their truth is the truth and not a truth and they want to go all the way to convert others and impose their truth on others even if they do not want to accept it. The more power they acquire the more they want to impose.
When I see Fundamentalists interacting with other people socially it seems as if their personality has an antigen, which produces antibodies in others, and when they emotionally rub against others they generate an antigen antibody reaction that can produce emotional rashes in both parties. Such interactions can be very painful and emotionally upsetting. They can become violent and aggressive and people can easily offend and hurt each other. Some of these Fundamentalists are surprised when people distance themselves from them, as they do not feel respected by Fundamentalists and cannot have a meaningful dialogue to resolve conflicts.
One of the most tragic situations arises in a community or country when people with Fundamentalist Personalities become leaders of political organizations and religious institutions and go to war. Such a situation can kill thousands of innocent men, women and children. We saw such a situation when China and Russia were led by leaders with Fundamentalist Personalities who tried to impose their Communist Ideology on others. The contemporary war between Osama bin laden and George W. Bush is another example. Each has a Fundamentalist Personality. In spite of believing in God, Scriptures and life after death, they are willing to kill thousands in the name of God. One calls it a Crusade and the other a Jihad. In spite of the similarities in their Religious Ideology they have declared a war on each other and have started a cycle of violence, a cycle that is now hard to break and a war that has indefinite borders and might continue for an indefinite time. It is tragic what two leaders with a Fundamentalist Personality can do to humanity.
Over the years, I have come to the realization that to become Humanists, People with a Religious Ideology and a Fundamentalist Personality need to go through two significant changes:
A... Intellectual transformation
B… Psychological Metamorphosis.
To become a Humanist, an individual needs to adopt a Humanist Philosophy and also develop a Humanist Personality. Being a psychotherapist, I am aware that acquiring a Humanist Personality and lifestyle is far harder than adopting a Humanist Philosophy. It is harder to change one’s behaviour and lifestyle than one’s beliefs.
For the intellectual transformation people have to accept a rational and logical approach towards life and prefer a scientific attitude to blind faith. People also have to accept that we as human beings are responsible for our lives and that we can sort out our problems without relying on religious institutions and divine revelations.
For an emotional metamorphosis, people have to acquire a clear concept of the Humanist Personality and lifestyle and then try to develop those characteristics.
People with a Humanist Personality and lifestyle exhibit some or all of the following characteristics.
I was always impressed by people who have a Secular Philosophy and a Humanist Personality and lifestyle. They are gentle, kind, caring and compassionate people. Some of them quietly do a lot of volunteer work and serve the suffering human beings of their community. Many of them are creative and choose to become poets, writers, artists or philosophers. They raise social consciousness and practise what they believe in. They do not try to convert others. They share their knowledge, experience and wisdom in their creative works and present them in art exhibitions or seminars.
It is amazing for me to see how they attract people who are inspired by them. When they are confronted by someone with a Fundamentalist Personality they are respectful and graceful and do not engage in angry and bitter debates. They believe that winning hearts is as important as winning arguments. They quietly support the human rights of all human beings and serve their communities in a peaceful way. Many people, impressed by their knowledge, creativity and wisdom, choose them as their role models.
In the last few years I met a number of men and women in my social and professional lives who were angry Atheists at one time but then gradually transformed into peaceful Humanists. Some did it through psychotherapy while others made that change through introspection and reading books. Let me share two examples.
The first example is of my patient Pamela (I have changed the name to respect her privacy) who was an angry Atheist when I met her, but after being involved in Humanist Psychotherapy she became an easy going, accepting and a compassionate person. Let me quote a small part of her interview.
Sohail: When did you become aware that you were an Atheist?
Pamela: I do not really remember ever believing. For me they were just stories. We used to go to school and see the Christmas pageant with Mary and Joseph and the baby and the angels and I don’t ever remember thinking that was real.
Sohail: So in some ways you were always an Atheist?
Pamela: Yes.
Sohail: When did you first publicly acknowledge that you were a non-believer?
Pamela: I guess about age fourteen,
Sohail: When did you realize that you were an angry person?
Pamela: About two years ago. The first time that I did not have butterflies in my stomach and did not feel anxious was a good year after starting to see you for therapy. It was after I felt relaxed and peaceful that I realized that I had been angry and anxious for a long time.
Sohail: Are you less judgmental and more accepting of people now?
Pamela: Yes.
Sohail: How did you make such a change?
Pamela: In therapy I learnt how to change my internal dialogue. In the past I couldn’t sit still and just be still because my head would be filled with negative thoughts.
Sohail: Were you a rigid person?
Pamela: Yes.
Sohail: Are you more flexible now?
Pamela: Yes.
Sohail: What changed?
Pamela: I think I stopped looking at the broken rules. I think I still have rules and I still have my judgments in some ways. But I do not impose them on others. I just follow my own rules and let others follow their rules. Everybody has biases. I am more accepting now of other people’s biases and don’t try to change them. It has made my life so much peaceful and I do not get into angry fights. I used to be a bit like Bush stating “you’re either with me or against me.”
Sohail: So you feel that humanistic psychotherapy made some difference for you?
Pamela: Oh yes, a big difference.
The second example is of my dear friend Rafiq Sultan. He shared his transformation from an angry Atheist to a peaceful Humanist in these words in an interview.
Sohail: Was there a time you were anti-religious and had angry and bitter debates with religious people?
Rafiq: Yes, in the beginning I was an extremely anti-religious person. I was not against just one religion but all religions. I was particularly against Mullah’s (religious extremist cleric’s) practices of religion. I had my bouts of outbursts and angry exchanges with friends and at times with strangers. For a short period of time I became so irritated that I crossed the line of decency and in my heart of hearts I used filthy language and felt extreme anger whenever I heard azan (call for prayers) or praise of religion. It took me quite a while to overcome that negative energy and slowly I restored respect for all religions and their believers. Now I can comfortably say that I am no more an anti-religious person and I am a proud free thinker and a Humanist.
Sohail: How did you develop a Humanist Personality?
Rafiq: I like the humanist perspective highlighting the person’s capacity for personal growth, freedom to choose one’s own destiny and accepting responsibility. Once one overcomes the concept of God and Religion and fear associated with this supposition and feels free from reward and punishment, hell and paradise and similar commands, one can easily live a humanist lifestyle and our secular constitution is credible enough in shaping an egalitarian society.
Sohail: What helped you make such a profound change?
Rafiq: Basically a lot of reading with an open mind and willingness to accept change. I welcomed new ideas, defying supernatural sanctions with reason and logic. I enjoyed the company of Humanist friends, free thinkers and scholars who helped me in explaining many riddles of thought, consciousness and universe.
I am well aware that some of my atheist, agnostic and secular humanist friends are quite uncomfortable with the concepts of God, Prophets, Scriptures and Religions and try their best to avoid any dialogue with religious people, as they are afraid of angry exchanges and violent confrontations. They believe that you can be a Humanist only if you are an atheist or a secular person.
I share with those friends that based on my personal, social and professional experiences, I have come to the realization that Religious People are of two types:
A… People belonging to the first group have not only a Religious Ideology but also a Fundamentalist Personality. They are extremists in their attitudes and one cannot have a fruitful and meaningful dialogue with them.
B… People belonging to the second group have a Religious Ideology but a Humanist Personality. One can not only have a genuine dialogue with them but also be friends with them and work with them on humanitarian projects. I call such people Religious Humanists.
The first Religious Humanist that I encountered in my life was my grandmother. She was a believer and prayed regularly but had a Humanist Personality. I never saw her preaching or trying to impose her values on anyone. She was a kind, genuine, wise and loving human being. I adored her, as she was an ocean of love. I dedicated my last collection of short stories to the loving memory of my grandmother.
While writing about my grandmother I am reminded of my dear Secular Humanist friend Rafiq Sultan’s wife Naseema who has recently become a grandmother and adores her grandchild Danish. Like my grandmother she is also a Religious Humanist. She is a firm believer and prays and fasts regularly but she has a heart of gold. She welcomes all of Rafiq’s atheist, agnostic and secular humanist friends and serves them with wonderful food and generous hospitality. She is an excellent cook and all of us enjoy her delicious food. She listens to our passionate dialogues about God and Religion and Humanism and smiles. She never tries to impose her beliefs on others. All of Rafiq Sultan’s Secular Humanist friends have a respectful and peaceful relationship with her.
When I focus on my own social and community life, I am reminded of a number of Religious Humanist friends that I have worked with. The first one that comes to mind is Najma Iqbal. She is a Muslim who runs a Muslim Community Centre for South Asian Immigrants. She helps newcomers in Canada to learn English and other social and professional skills to be able to find a job and integrate into Canadian society. In her own unique way she serves her community. To increase social awareness in the South Asian Community about domestic violence and help women find proper help, we had a seminar in March 2007 in which I presented my documentary Breaking the Cycle…Encounters with Domestic Violence. After showing the documentary, Najma and I were on the same panel to answer questions. Najma is also aware that I am a Humanist but is quite comfortable working with me. We have mutual respect for each other’s personality and work.
Najma Iqbal reminds me of other Muslim Humanists like Edhi, who serves poor and needy people in Pakistan on a large scale through his volunteers with their ambulances and mobile teams, and Christian Humanists like Martin Luther King, Jr. who fought for the rights of Blacks in America and received a Nobel Peace Prize for his services to humanity.
I am gradually realizing that alongside Religious People who have extremist views and Fundamentalist Personalities, there are many others who have Humanist Personalities.
One of the fundamental questions Secular Humanists are facing today is whether they are going to associate only with other Secular Humanists or also work with Religious Humanists who have similar humanitarian goals. I am gradually realizing that Religious Humanists and Secular Humanists, in spite of their ideological and philosophical differences, have one thing in common. They both want to break down the wall of religious fundamentalism and extremism. Religious Humanists try to break down that wall from inside while Secular Humanists work from the outside. Both groups want to create secular communities where there would not only be freedom of religion but also freedom from religion.
As a Secular Humanist I believe that while promoting humanist philosophy in schools and colleges so that our children can study science, psychology and philosophy, we also need to create secular humanist communities where all citizens are free to develop their potential and follow their dreams. To make that goal a reality we need to rise above our differences and work and grow and dream together.
While there are atheists that are perceived as anti-religious and who get into angry and bitter debates with religious fundamentalists, there are secular humanists who welcome religious humanists and focus on similarities rather than differences. They have developed mutually respectful relationships with religious people and communities. Rather than engaging in heated academic theological and atheistic debates, they focus on common projects to decrease human suffering, raise social consciousness and create humanist families and communities so that people can live in peace and harmony. They seek to create secular states where church and state, mosque and law, synagogue and politics and temples and parliament would be kept separate. In those states laws would be made in a democratic fashion, respecting secular traditions. One such example occurred in South Africa where Religious Humanist Desmond Tutu and Secular Humanist Nelson Mandela worked together to create a just society. They worked hand in hand to fight apartheid, Mandela staying in jail and Tutu staying out. After their political success they not only achieved democratic multi-party elections in South Africa but also received Nobel Peace prizes.
In my opinion Humanism is a philosophy and lifestyle that tries to liberate not only people’s minds from the shackles of blind faith and superstition by promoting rational and scientific thinking but also their lives from oppressive, exploitative and prejudiced political regimes. The goal is for human beings to live with dignity and have an opportunity to become fully human individually and collectively. Those are the dreams of all Humanists and those dreams can come true if we rise above our differences and join hands towards common goals.
When I ask myself, ‘”‘Why is my approach to Religious Humanists different than that of my Atheist friends who choose not to socialize and work with Religious Humanists?” I wonder whether it is because they are philosophers and I am a psychotherapist. When I worked in psychiatric hospitals in Newfoundland, New Brunswick and Ontario, I had an opportunity to work with Secular Humanist as well as Religious Humanist colleagues. During those years I met many Religious Humanist professionals who were caring and compassionate towards families who suffered from mental illness. Those Religious Humanists did not like psychiatrists who were atheists and anti-religious and preferred to work with me. Because of our mutual respect they invited me to their seminars. They knew I was a Secular Humanist and did not believe in God or Religions, but they still felt comfortable with me. We rose above our ideological and philosophical differences to serve our patients, their families and our communities, and tried to educate them about mental health.
CONCLUDING COMMENTS
It is becoming more and more evident to me that in many people:
…ideologies may not be true reflections of personalities,
…philosophies may not be true reflections of lifestyles,
and
…beliefs may not be true reflections of behaviors.
While some people with a Religious Ideology have a Fundamentalist Personality and lifestyle and many people with a Secular Philosophy have developed a Humanist Personality and lifestyle, I have also met some Religious People with a Humanist Personality and lifestyle and some Atheists and Free Thinkers who have a Fundamentalist Personality.
I believe that while it is difficult for people with a Fundamentalist Personality to get along with others whom they don’t agree with, those with a Humanist Personality can live in harmony and work together peacefully even if they have different ideologies and philosophies. They are comfortable in developing mutually respectful relationships and they focus on common goals to serve their families and communities. For someone with a Humanist Personality, winning hearts is as important as winning arguments.
……………………………….
“If you are not able to serve men, how can you worship gods?”
Confucius
“…there is an area where traditional religions and humanism overlap. Both are concerned with morality.”
Paul Kurtz
OTHER ESSAYS BY KHALID SOHAIL
Comments
I have read your presentation and found it very interesting and enlightening. Several points struck me initially.
I suppose I have always thought of the term ‘extremists’ rather than as you use the definition ‘fundamentalists’. I prefer your term.
There seems to me to be the likelihood of much interaction between ‘religious influences’ and ‘personality types’.
I have never really thought about the concept of ‘religious humanists’ before. Now I see it is absolutely feasible!
Can a ‘religious humanist’ accept the ‘creation’ theory rather than evolution?
Just a few of the thoughts you have stimulated!
Sent in by David Kentish
Ajax, Ontario